Joke night
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:: Entertainment :: The Bar
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Re: Joke night
by Daily Bread Tue Jan 09, 2024 3:09 pm
A married man Paddy was visiting his secret girlfriend when she requested he shave his beard.
“Oh Paddy, I like your beard, but I would really like to see your handsome face .” She said
Paddy replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she would kill me!”
“Oh please? The girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.
“Really, I can’t”, He replies. “my wife loves this beard!”
The girlfriend asks once more time and he sighs and finally gives in.
That night Paddy crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and says,
“Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here, my husband will be home soon!”
“Oh Paddy, I like your beard, but I would really like to see your handsome face .” She said
Paddy replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she would kill me!”
“Oh please? The girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.
“Really, I can’t”, He replies. “my wife loves this beard!”
The girlfriend asks once more time and he sighs and finally gives in.
That night Paddy crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and says,
“Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here, my husband will be home soon!”
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Re: Joke night
by Casey Jones Tue Jan 09, 2024 9:33 pm
The secret to happiness...is your choice of women.
It's important...that you find a woman who's a good cook.
It's important...that you find a woman who's good company, and is kind when needed.
It's important...that you find a woman who's low-maintenance; that she finds pleasures in things that aren't expensive or extravagant.
It's REAL important...that you find a woman who's good in bed.
But most important of all...
.....is that those four women never meet each other.
It's important...that you find a woman who's a good cook.
It's important...that you find a woman who's good company, and is kind when needed.
It's important...that you find a woman who's low-maintenance; that she finds pleasures in things that aren't expensive or extravagant.
It's REAL important...that you find a woman who's good in bed.
But most important of all...
.....is that those four women never meet each other.
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Re: Joke night
by HawkTheSlayer Sun Jun 09, 2024 7:44 pm
_________________
Evil is da Devil minus da D.
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Re: Joke night
by Daily Bread Tue Aug 06, 2024 9:37 pm
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then Little Johnny says, “Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, ‘Jesus Christ are you still in there!?’”
Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then Little Johnny says, “Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, ‘Jesus Christ are you still in there!?’”
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Re: Joke night
by Daily Bread Tue Aug 06, 2024 9:46 pm
A doctor wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
“Seamus, I am going fishing tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients. If there anything serious call me on my mobile but it should just be basic stuff.”
“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: ”So, Seamus, how was your day?”
Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.
“The first one had a headache so I gave him Nurofen.”
“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.
“The second one had stomach burning, and I gave him some ENO for his stomach acid, sir.” – says Seamus.
“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this, and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door opened, and a woman entered.
Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything, including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”
“ Thundering’ Lord Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.
“I put drops in her eyes.” !
“Seamus, I am going fishing tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients. If there anything serious call me on my mobile but it should just be basic stuff.”
“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: ”So, Seamus, how was your day?”
Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.
“The first one had a headache so I gave him Nurofen.”
“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.
“The second one had stomach burning, and I gave him some ENO for his stomach acid, sir.” – says Seamus.
“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this, and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door opened, and a woman entered.
Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything, including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”
“ Thundering’ Lord Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.
“I put drops in her eyes.” !
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Re: Joke night
by hurricanehook Tue Aug 06, 2024 9:46 pm
Daily Bread wrote:The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then Little Johnny says, “Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, ‘Jesus Christ are you still in there!?’”
That is funny......and true!
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Re: Joke night
by hurricanehook Tue Aug 06, 2024 9:53 pm
Daily Bread wrote:A doctor wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
“Seamus, I am going fishing tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients. If there anything serious call me on my mobile but it should just be basic stuff.”
“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: ”So, Seamus, how was your day?”
Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.
“The first one had a headache so I gave him Nurofen.”
“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.
“The second one had stomach burning, and I gave him some ENO for his stomach acid, sir.” – says Seamus.
“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this, and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door opened, and a woman entered.
Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything, including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”
“ Thundering’ Lord Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.
“I put drops in her eyes.” !
Very cute. Seamus must be a little slow in the head.
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