Joke night

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux decided to go fishing one morning at the pond in back of Boudreaux's house. It was dark and when they reached the pond they realized they wanted to cross to the other side. But they couldn't walk around and had no boat or pirogue to cross in. Thibodeaux turned to Boudreaux and said, "Mais Boudreaux, how in the heck we gonna get across." Boudreaux said, "No problem, I'm gonna shine this here flashlight across the water and you gonna walk on the beam of light all the way across." Thibodeaux then says, "Mais, Boudreaux, you must think I'm stupid or something, cause just when I get halfway across you gonna turn off the light."

HawkTheSlayer wrote:I often wondered if there were any "Jesus Saves" billboards in Mexico.

When I was in junior high,  a classmates of mine was Mexican,  his name was, Jesus........it was the first day of 8th grade, the teacher calling roll.......she didn't pronounce it, "hey-suess" ......yes, I went to school with Jesus.

Saw pjohns post this at another forum:


A plane has five passengers on board:

Donald Trump, the Pope, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Hillary Clinton, and a ten-year-old school girl.

The plane is about to crash and there are only four parachutes.

Dr. Fauci, said, “I need one, I have to help develop a cure for the global health crisis that is COVID19!” He straps on a parachute and jumps.

The pope said, “I need one, I have to help spiritually guide people through the global health crisis that is COVID19!” He takes one and jumps.

Hillary said ‘‘I need one, I’m the smartest woman in the United States.” she takes one and jumps.

President Trump pauses for a moment and then turns to the 10-year-old.

After a deep sigh, he says tenderly, “You can have the last parachute. I’ve lived my life, yours is only starting.”

The child replies, “Don’t worry, there are two parachutes left. The smartest woman in the United States took my school backpack.”

LOL you beat me to it. I was going to re-post that one too!

SEVEN DEGREES OF COONASS



FIRST DEGREE
Boudreaux and his wife were asleep when the phone rang at two in the morning.


Boudreaux picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know? Dat's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.


The wife said, "Mais, Boo, who was dat?"


Boudreaux answered, "I don't know, some man wanting to know if da coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two Cajuns are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. He opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, dis person looks familiar." The second Cajun says, "Here, lemme see!" So the first Cajun hands him the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
Boudreaux suspects his wife of cheating on him, so he goes out and buys a gun. He goes to his house unexpectedly and when he opens the door he finds her in the arms of another man. Well, Boudreaux is really angry. He pulls out the gun, and as he does so, he is overcome with grief. He takes the gun and puts it to his head. His wife yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"


Boudreaux replies, "Shut up, you're next!"


FOURTH DEGREE
Boudreaux was bragging about his knowledge of state capitals. He proudly says, "Go ahead, and axe (ask) me, I know all dem capitals." Thibodaux says, "OK, what's da capital of Wisconsin?"

Boudreaux replies, "Oh, dat's a easy one! It's W."


FIFTH DEGREE
What did the Cajun girl ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?


"Is it mine?"


SIXTH DEGREE
Boudreaux, a Cajun in his fourth year as an LSU Freshman, sat in his US Government class. The professor asked Boudreaux if he knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Boudreaux pondered the question then finally said, "Dat was da decision George Washington had to make before he crossed da Delaware "


SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, Boudreaux was shocked to find his house ransacked and burglarized. He telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Boudreaux ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting his face in his hands, Boudreaux moaned, "Oh yai yai. Me, I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call da police for help, and what y'all do? Y'all send me a BLIND officer!"
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Now, just for good measure, I'm throwing in a blonde joke and a lawyer joke so I can be an equal opportunity insulter!
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A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass.

She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to Walmart!

Why Walmart?

HELLOOOOOOOOO! Walmart's the largest re-tailer in the world!!!
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A lawyer boards a plane in New Orleans...with a box of frozen crabs under his arm. He asks a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She takes the box and promises to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he's a lawyer, and proceeds to rant at her about what will happen if she lets them thaw out.

Needless to say, she is annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she uses the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up, so she takes the crabs home and eats them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't always as dumb as most folks think.

Seventh degree reminds me a bit of myself.  When I first moved away from home I came home from work one day and went into my room and there were clothes and crap everywhere. It was a total mess and I freaked out thinking someone had ransacked and robbed me.

I got a hard lesson in finding out that my room didn't automatically clean itself and that my clothes didn't pick themselves up, wash themselves and put themselves away.  Hard lesson Lol.   Kinda embarrassing.

Yes I was a spoiled child but maybe I was also a Cajun in another life?

Red Lily wrote:Seventh degree reminds me a bit of myself.  When I first moved away from home I came home from work one day and went into my room and there were clothes and crap everywhere.  It was a total mess and I freaked out thinking someone had ransacked and robbed me.

I got a hard lesson in finding out that my room didn't automatically clean itself and that my clothes didn't pick themselves up, wash themselves and put themselves away.  Hard lesson Lol.   Kinda embarrassing.

Yes I was a spoiled child but maybe I was also a Cajun in another life?

If you have frequent urges to flick your tail (comme un e'crevisse) , you might have been born on the Bayou in a previous life.

HawkTheSlayer wrote:

Red Lily wrote:Seventh degree reminds me a bit of myself.  When I first moved away from home I came home from work one day and went into my room and there were clothes and crap everywhere.  It was a total mess and I freaked out thinking someone had ransacked and robbed me.

I got a hard lesson in finding out that my room didn't automatically clean itself and that my clothes didn't pick themselves up, wash themselves and put themselves away.  Hard lesson Lol.   Kinda embarrassing.

Yes I was a spoiled child but maybe I was also a Cajun in another life?

If you have frequent urges to flick your tail (comme  un e'crevisse) , you might have been born on the Bayou in a previous life.

HawkTheSlayer wrote:Boudreaux, Thibodeaux, and Gautreaux was playing a big round of golf for $200. At the 18th green Boudreaux had hisself a ten foot putt to win dat round, and the $200. As Boudreaux was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by. Boudreaux set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and waited for the funeral procession to pass him by. After it passed, Boudreaux picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt. Seeing this, Thibodeaux said, “Mais cher, dat was de most touching ting I never seen befo. I can’t believe you stopped playing, possibly losing all you concentration, to pay you respects.” “Well”, Boudreaux replies, “we were married for 25 years.”

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"