Mom Says It's 'Evil' Her Adult Children Won't Agree to Care for Their Disabled Brother

It goes without saying that it’s every parent’s goal to make sure their children will, when the time comes, be able to handle life without them — and, in families with multiple siblings, it often comes with the hope that they also care for one another (along with any other responsibilities they have). But, as a mother in reddit’s famed-AITA subreddit found out, there are limits to what you can ask of your children and their futures — and that word “ask” is pretty essential in really allowing them to consent to step up into more defined caregiver roles later in their lives.

Introducing her three children, two who are newly adults at 18 and 20 (Jen and Jay, who are neurotypical) and Jack, a 11-year-old who has both ADHD and is on the autism spectrum, the original poster said that she got into an argument with her older children after they sat her down to express issues with the assumption they would eventually inherit full-time care of their brother who, according to the OP, will never be able to live entirely independently.

“We’ve made sure that both of our neurotypical kids know that one day they are going to need to start taking care of Jack when the time comes when I and their dad cannot,” the poster wrote. “Jen has always been neutral, but Jay has always been incredibly obstinate and rude about it. I’ve put it down to being young and having his life ahead of him but the year he went to college he made it very clear to me that he will not be taking care of Jake in any way and since then I’ve been arguing about it with him.”

When her older children tried to address the caregiving issue — with her oldest son even “stepping in” to help her older daughter express her discomfort —  she said they got into a screaming match over the matter.

>snip<

Comments:-

The consensus: The older siblings aren’t — by nature of existing in the same family — their brother’s keepers.

“Jack isn’t their kid, and it’s horrible of you to take their futures away from them like this,” one commenter wrote.

Another noted that defaulting to her other children as the long-term care solution, rather than trying to fully consider what will be best for all parties, feels deeply unfair to everyone: “… your adult children are not your long term care solution.

Full story at the link   ...   https://www.msn.com/en-au/health/wellness/a-mom-says-it-s-evil-her-adult-children-won-t-agree-to-care-for-their-disabled-brother-reddit-is-thoroughly-freaked-out/ar-AA10JKXy?rc=1&ocid=winp1taskbar&cvid=660a580571944c489a24139faf0bb88b

I think the mother is unreasonable and it's more than a bit much to expect your kids to be caregivers for a disabled sibling for the extent of their lifetime.

She's calling her kids evil but I consider her to be the selfishly evil one.

the child is 11 and the two older are 18 and 20. That's barely adult.   I think mom is jumping the gun isn't she.  How old can she be?

What a terrible situation. I see it as "Mom" realizes she has raised two self centered brats and is bringing into the open. She now knows what she must do. Her resources must go toward putting resources to bare for the third child. As the two older ones are incapable of handling the situation. I know a family down here, the older daughter has spinal bifida. The younger daughter fully expects to take over some day.

JMWinPR wrote:What a terrible situation. I see it as "Mom" realizes she has raised two self centered brats and is bringing into the open. She now knows what she must do. Her resources must go toward putting resources to bare for the third child. As the two older ones are incapable of handling the situation. I know a family down here, the older daughter has spinal bifida. The younger daughter fully expects to take over some day.  

Its tough, but a lot would depend on the level of care needed , I'm not that close to my siblings, I would be prepared to lend a hand but noy put my life on hold for them

I think it's a little early to ask that of the siblings. We don't even know if they will have the means to care for their brother.

i call bullshit. to date, mom has been making out like a bandit with the govmt gratuities.

Calypso Jones wrote:the child is 11 and the two older are 18 and 20. That's barely adult.     I think mom is jumping the gun isn't she.  How old can she be?

12, by the sounds of her. And while we're at it, who calls her children "neurotypical?" I'm getting the impression that this woman isn't so "neurotypical" herself. Seriously. It sounds like she has problems. She's obsessing over a matter that highly likely doesn't need addressing just yet, and may never, for all anyone knows. Lots of people with ADHD get along fine, w/no special attention. And the article says Jack is on the "autism spectrum;" but not just where. Could be that all he needs is discipline.
I think the article inferred there was a father in the picture. What's his say?

All I can think is that all this should've waited.

And that's a psycho babble contribution for the week.

2cent wrote:

Calypso Jones wrote:the child is 11 and the two older are 18 and 20. That's barely adult.     I think mom is jumping the gun isn't she.  How old can she be?

12, by the sounds of her.  And while we're at it, who calls her children "neurotypical?"  I'm getting the impression that this woman isn't so "neurotypical" herself.  Seriously.  It sounds like she has problems.  She's obsessing over a matter that highly likely doesn't need addressing just yet, and may never, for all anyone knows.  Lots of people with ADHD get along fine, w/no special attention.  And the article says Jack is on the "autism spectrum;" but not just where.  Could be that all he needs is discipline.  
I think the article inferred there was a father in the picture.  What's his say?  

All I can think is that all this should've waited.

And that's a psycho babble contribution for the week.  

I beleive the situation to be hypothetical..

Given its a Reddit product, it's prolly just a bait and troll thread.

HawkTheSlayer wrote:

2cent wrote:

Calypso Jones wrote:the child is 11 and the two older are 18 and 20. That's barely adult.     I think mom is jumping the gun isn't she.  How old can she be?

12, by the sounds of her.  And while we're at it, who calls her children "neurotypical?"  I'm getting the impression that this woman isn't so "neurotypical" herself.  Seriously.  It sounds like she has problems.  She's obsessing over a matter that highly likely doesn't need addressing just yet, and may never, for all anyone knows.  Lots of people with ADHD get along fine, w/no special attention.  And the article says Jack is on the "autism spectrum;" but not just where.  Could be that all he needs is discipline.  
I think the article inferred there was a father in the picture.  What's his say?  

All I can think is that all this should've waited.

And that's a psycho babble contribution for the week.  

I beleive the situation to be hypothetical..

Given its a Reddit product, it's prolly just a bait and troll thread.

I did wonder about that. I just don't have enough to do today.

I had to look up neurotypical.....first time i'd heard that term far as I know. And mom seems to know too much psychobabble.