Re: What do you do....

by Sprintcyclist Wed Dec 15, 2021 3:23 am

HawkTheSlayer wrote:
billy the kid wrote:I recollect back in the day when I was in the workforce a couple of punters
talking about being served with divorce papers.....one was a workmate who I thought was separated from his missus....another was a neighbour who
was renting the joint across the road by himself...
I presumed then and do now that their marriages had fallen apart...
They were both in their late 50s and I thought at the time.."why would you
divorce after all these years together..."
I guess as they say in the classics....."It is what it is...."
Its an interesting topic...although some may find it a tad boring....

It's a great topic.
It's hard to pinpoint a single solution as situations and relationships are all so varied and different.
I guess sharing new activity that interest both parties would be a great start.

Crucially important.
Even if it is an activity you have zero interest in and your spouse starts it, go with them.
Join in.

The Local 'learn to dance' class, the Third Age run courses ALL the time, Yoga groups, Bridge club, learn french club.
Any club - I do not care. Go and do it.

by Sprintcyclist Wed Dec 15, 2021 10:31 am

billy the kid wrote:I think it was Elizabeth Taylor who said in one of her many movies...
"One of two things ruins a marriage...lack of money....or sex..."
I think she was on the money....pardon the pun...
Im no expert but my two cents worth would be that over time, people change...employment changes..the economy changes...children
are born..they grow up with various demands...mum and dad sometimes
drift apart for various reasons.....
The opening post wasnt really about any of this....
I was just wondering what the answer was for a couple who, although
they are still together at that age...suddenly find they have nothing
in common....
New interests just dont materialize out of thin air...
I suppose thats why the divorce rate in Oz at the moment is about 50%...
When theres no glue keeping everything together...everything
becomes unstuck...
I appreciate all the comments so far...I honestly dont know what
the answer is...
As Frank Sinatra sang......"thats life...thats what the people say....ridin high in April...shot down in May...."

' ............. what the answer was for a couple who, although they are still together at that age...suddenly find they have nothing in common....
New interests just dont materialize out of thin air. .......... '

Find something in common. Make something in common. Do things together.
It will be a LOT more rewarding than starting all over again with someone new.

by Casey Jones Wed Dec 15, 2021 8:09 pm

Red Lily wrote:Far more appealing than this Eurovision performance!

Puke.

In the Navy, we, in my division, my workspace (Ship's Personnel Office) we had a guy who was light in the loafers. He had all of RuPaul's albums - back when CDs were A Thing.

I didn't understand, some huge black man done up in drag. Until I came to know that Jimbo swung both ways, and was more interested in boys.

It was an office with the Personnelman Chief, a First Class, a Second Class, and two Third Classes. Jimbo and I hadn't made Personnelman Third, yet, but we were filling the billets. And we did - same advancement cycle.

He was one reason I did a duty swap to get off that command flagship, and onto a carrier.

by EvilCat Breath Thu Dec 16, 2021 2:53 pm

You could get to know one another all over again.

by Cotton Tue Mar 01, 2022 12:39 am

billy the kid wrote:Question for those who may have experienced this....
This is not me...its a family member....
What do you do when you reach say 50 or 60 years of age, your kids have grown up and left home,
your house is empty, you only have one grandchild and you and your spouse (or maybe just you)
suddenly realize that you have nothing in common....
Do you suddenly try to cultivate (at that age) new interests...
Do you suddenly go camping...travelling....play golf or lawn bowls or bingo and just go to
church together on sundays....
WTF do you do...

You bail out. Life is too short to not at least try to get the most from every minute

by Cotton Sat Mar 19, 2022 10:12 am

billy the kid wrote:Question for those who may have experienced this....
This is not me...its a family member....
What do you do when you reach say 50 or 60 years of age, your kids have grown up and left home,
your house is empty, you only have one grandchild and you and your spouse (or maybe just you)
suddenly realize that you have nothing in common....
Do you suddenly try to cultivate (at that age) new interests...
Do you suddenly go camping...travelling....play golf or lawn bowls or bingo and just go to
church together on sundays....
WTF do you do...

Billy. You mentioned that you are 60. That's an age where many experience enlightenment. It may simply be you have experienced personal growth at a rate your other half has not

I'm the event you both did you may have found you are very different in the issues that matter

One more thing . Relationships , friendships etc are all about communication

If one or both parties loses that it's over

Every friendship, relationship etc I have lost had it's origin in poor communication.

Some refuse to communicate as it requires thinking

Others welcome it. Embrace those types

by Sprintcyclist Sat Mar 19, 2022 10:33 am

Cotton wrote:
billy the kid wrote:Question for those who may have experienced this....
This is not me...its a family member....
What do you do when you reach say 50 or 60 years of age, your kids have grown up and left home,
your house is empty, you only have one grandchild and you and your spouse (or maybe just you)
suddenly realize that you have nothing in common....
Do you suddenly try to cultivate (at that age) new interests...
Do you suddenly go camping...travelling....play golf or lawn bowls or bingo and just go to
church together on sundays....
WTF do you do...

Billy. You mentioned that you are 60. That's an age where many experience enlightenment. It may simply be you have experienced personal growth at a rate your other half has not

I'm the event you both did you may have found you are very different in the issues that matter

One more thing . Relationships , friendships etc are all about communication

If one or both parties loses that it's over

Every friendship, relationship etc I have lost had it's origin in poor communication.

Some refuse to communicate as it requires thinking

Others welcome it. Embrace those types

' ............ Some refuse to communicate as it requires thinking .............. '

Perhaps some refuse to communicate as it necessitates you to fully interact with another person.
You have to listen and accept what the other person says. Whether you like it or not.
You have to be tolerant and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

If you talk over the top of someone else, argue with them, 'prove' them wrong, you are not communicating.

by billy the kid Sat Mar 19, 2022 4:36 pm

Cotton wrote:
billy the kid wrote:Question for those who may have experienced this....
This is not me...its a family member....
What do you do when you reach say 50 or 60 years of age, your kids have grown up and left home,
your house is empty, you only have one grandchild and you and your spouse (or maybe just you)
suddenly realize that you have nothing in common....
Do you suddenly try to cultivate (at that age) new interests...
Do you suddenly go camping...travelling....play golf or lawn bowls or bingo and just go to
church together on sundays....
WTF do you do...

Billy. You mentioned that you are 60. That's an age where many experience enlightenment. It may simply be you have experienced personal growth at a rate your other half has not

I'm the event you both did you may have found you are very different in the issues that matter

One more thing . Relationships , friendships etc are all about communication

If one or both parties loses that it's over

Every friendship, relationship etc I have lost had it's origin in poor communication.

Some refuse to communicate as it requires thinking

Others welcome it. Embrace those types

Thanx for the response.
I am 74...Im not 60...
The thread was commenced with reference to a family member...
I agree with your comments...
Many couples grow apart for various reasons...

by Cotton Sun Apr 17, 2022 8:25 pm

I lol when I see people that have to "work" at a relationship.

by Lummy Mon Apr 18, 2022 5:18 am

My parents were so committed to keeping their relationship, they became somewhat dangerous to each other. It was not pleasant at times.

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