The Story of the Duck Who Passed Away

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out a stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said ‘I’m sorry your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.’
The distressed woman wailed, ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead.,’ replied the vet. ‘How can you be sure?’ she protested. ‘I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.’ The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a black labrador retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. The dog then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later, he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table, and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on his haunches, shook his head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, ‘I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably a dead duck.’

He turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill.
‘$150!’ She cried, ‘ $150 just to tell me my duck is dead!’ The vet shrugged, ‘ I’m sorry, if you had just taken my word for it the bill would’ve been $20, but with the Lab Report and the CAT Scan it’s now $150.’

the dead west virginian duck.

junior had a pet mallard. it was hatched the very same say junior was born. junior turns 18 so his dad says, " son, take the farm vehicle into town and have a good time. sos junior drives into the county seat, parks, and starts walking around with his pet mallard. ( the two are inseparable. ) junior sees a whore house and walks in with his mallard. a prostitute says, watcha got there? oh, hes my pet mallard. todays my birthday an its his birthday too. i aint got no money, but you kin have him if i kin screw you. sos they troop up the stairs an he bangs her. then she says, " that was so good, you can have him back ifnya do me agn. " he does, then hunior an his mallard leave an head back to the farm vehicle. as theyre bouta cross the street, the mallard continues after junior stops on the curb. ..........POP!!!! a semi drives right over his mallard. junior startsa balling, the semi driver stops and walks over to junior. " wha happn ? " junior replies, " you done run over my pet mallard!!! i turned 18 tday an so did he. ! " semi driver says , " all i got is an Andrew Jackson " and gives it to junior and drives away. " well son, his dad says as junior steps through the front door. howd it go n da big city? " well dad, i got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, an twenty bucks for a fucked up duck. "

So, that 48-year-old copy of Hustler Magazine is still legible, is it?

I know of which I speak. I read that joke there, in 1976. It was in the john in the locker room at work.

uncle Gilbert tells nephew Casey to hike down to the country store and bring back a box of condoms. Casey walks through the stores door and stands there blindsided. behind the counter stands a very pretty girl. " kin i hep you ? " she asks. " yup, my uncle Gilbert sent me to bring back home a box of condoms ". she reaches under the counter and sets a whole box on top. " ya know what these are fer doncha? " she asks. " naw, Gilbert just told me to bringem back is all. " . so she opens the box and opens one and says , " they go on like this ." as she unrolls one on her thumb. here Casey being a virgin and talking to a strange girl gets all excited, and here the girl is playing with a condom in front of some slackjawwed yokel. so they go to the ice room and rip ofn their clothes an go at it buck naked on the floor.
as the two are laying nude on the floor on their backs smoking their camel non filtered smokes, she asks him, " you were wearing yer rubber werntcha ? " he proudly exclaims " i sure was ! " as he shows her his thumb.

Same issue of Hustler.

Casey Jones wrote:Same issue of Hustler.

So I guess that means that not only are you an avid collector but, you constantly read them as well.

jirqoadai wrote:the dead west virginian duck.

junior had a pet mallard. it was hatched the very same say junior was born. junior turns 18 so his dad says, " son, take the farm vehicle into town and have a good time. sos junior drives into the county seat, parks, and starts walking around with his pet mallard. ( the two are inseparable. ) junior sees a whore house and walks in with his mallard. a prostitute says, watcha got there? oh, hes my pet mallard. todays my birthday an its his birthday too. i aint got no money, but you kin have him if i kin screw you. sos they troop up the stairs an he bangs her. then she says, " that was so good, you can have him back ifnya do me agn. " he does, then hunior an his mallard leave an head back to the farm vehicle. as theyre bouta cross the street, the mallard continues after junior stops on the curb. ..........POP!!!! a semi drives right over his mallard. junior startsa balling, the semi driver stops and walks over to junior. " wha happn ? " junior replies, " you done run over my pet mallard!!! i turned 18 tday an so did he. ! " semi driver says , " all i got is an Andrew Jackson " and gives it to junior and drives away. " well son, his dad says as junior steps through the front door. howd it go n da big city? " well dad, i got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, an twenty bucks for a fucked up duck. "

I heard that joke on a Gene Tracy 8-track.

RV wrote:

Casey Jones wrote:Same issue of Hustler.

So I guess that means that not only are you an avid collector but, you constantly read them as well.

In 1976 I did.

Especially since I could get them free.

Out of that same library, referenced above.